Thus the First Person View of a Neko's Life

[NiaZen]

Entry Eleven

It's been a few more days..and I haven't seen Falen at all...It makes me really sad...at least I'm writing in my journal again...I hardly ever use it...

The war is getting heavy...it's scary...everybody is scared to go outside, even though the war isn't taking place here...it's just...threats are everywhere....

That's also part of the reason to why I'm scared of going out and looking for Falen...I hope Mother get's out safe...and everybody...

Rena herself is scared of sleeping alone...who isn't at this time of day? War is horrible...and I've heard some rumors that they got Byrd...

And I've also heard more rumors that an odd Wolf-Cat is in the war with them...but...My brother is...he can't be...

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Twelve

The war isn't over yet...but...the first has fallen in the side of Tear Drop...

And I still haven't seen Falen...I'm scared...

-Niko

[verscilith]

Shhdnigernolqnebo
Are we sure Falen isn't allowed to read these? D;

[NiaZen]

He can...if he really wants...he can steal it....I have a picture where he's looking over Niko's shoulder reading his diary...

[verscilith]

XD That's great. owo
Falen should keep a diary.

Except I'm lazy and wouldn't finish it. XDD

[NiaZen]

*laughs* Eh, I just remember and just type in it if I remember...>.>

[NiaZen]

Entry Thirteen (wow...how ironic....13...)

I'm...I'm so scared...I...I can't write at all...It's so cold...so dark...

Why...why did I do that...it...it's so hard to write....~Insert blood stain here~...it eases the pain...so...cold...

I'm so cold...~insert blood stain here~ so...scary...I want you...I need you Falen...I'm so scared...I-I...

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Fourteen

The dark times have come...I won't leave my room...there is only one thing that eases the pain...the war isn't over yet...he isn't dead...why did I have to exsist to begin with?! Everything is my fault...I've hurt to many people including myself...why...

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Fifteen

I feel....so...alone...but...he told me...Falen would come back. Falen...my Falen...what will he do when...if he figures out what...what I did...to myself...but...where is he...where did he go...

Did he leave me? No, he couldn't have, if Oro doubts it then...I shouldn't. Falen, Falen has changed, he's not the same...He's not the same...he's...he's Falen...he wouldn't have left me. I know he didn't. I...the pain...Mia found it...

She made me admit it, thinking that it was because Falen was gone but it wasn't...and then...well...I...my brother...he's...he's alive. Dairan...he's...alive and he's here...

Falen...why is that...why is he the only one I can think of right now? Love...love sometimes blinds the eyes from seeing the truth, but...there is no truth being hidden...I trust him...I know...that...my Falen...he'll come back...back for me...I know he loves me...and...I love him...

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Sixteen

He's back...<insert wet tear mark here> He's actually here! But...he knows what I did to myself...but not why...<insert wet tear mark here> My Falen is actually back...I knew he'd come back...Oro was right...

I knew he'd come back...but...Dairan is taking it very hard...but...He knows he can't change who I love...he accepts it but he's taking it hard, taking it hard to know who I love...He understands...but of course, it's hard for him...he just found me after years and he finds out that...I'm not like him...

But Falen...Dairan he...it's Falen...Falen's just back and that's all that matters, I don't care...I don't care...that memory...I musn't let it haunt me because Falen is back and I know I love him...ooh...even Mia is happy to see them back! I'm so glad...so happy...after such a long time he's back...<insert wet tear mark here>...

-Niko

[rivenmist]

D:

-makes her sad speaky noise-

Oh! It's soo depressin'!

T3T
Does neko need bandaids, those alwsays seem to make things better......-nees 2 draws out a happyyayjoyfullofrainbows reunion between Falen and Neko....-

[NiaZen]

no he doesn't kill himself afterall...-__________-

Entry Seventeen

I think today will be my last entry...<tear mark>...I won't ever be able to forgive myself...<tear mark> I've hurt too many...<tear mark> and know I've even hurt HIM...I've hurt...<tear mark> I hate myself...<tear mark> I hate the world...<tear mark> I hate myself <tear mark>

I wish I could've accepted what Falen said <tear mark> He loves me <tear mark> And I love him back <tear mark> but he doesn't deserve a jerk...a freak like me <tear mark> I've screwed up everyone's lives <tear mark> I should've told Falen <tear mark> that I didn't care what he did <tear mark> it's in the past <tear mark> and we must forget that <tear mark> but now he'll never come back <tear mark> and I'll never forgive myself <tear mark> I've done something worse than sin, <tear mark> I've hurt too many lives...<tear mark> and the only way to stop the pain <tear mark> is to rid of the thing that's causing it <tear mark>

I've caused my real parents pain <tear mark> I've caused Mia pain <tear mark> Rena pain <tear mark> Dairan, Shadow, Oro, Shiek <tear mark> I've hurt Falen...<tear mark> It would be best to just stop the pain <tear mark> to stop everything...<tear mark> and stop my heart from beating...<tear mark>

I don't care if Falen cheated on me <tear mark> or even if was cheating <tear mark> I love Falen <tear mark> I love him more than my life itself <tear mark> but now...there'll be no life to love <tear mark>

~ Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Eighteen

I HATE ORO I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! BAH! WHY CAN'T HE EVER LEAVE ME ALONE! <tear mark> IT'S BECAUSE OF HIM!!! AHHHH!!!!! WHY THE HECK DOES HE ALWAYS HAVE TO SOMEHOW END UP BEING THERE WHEN I TRY TO DO SOMETHING BAD TO MYSELF! I HATE HIM!!!

WHY CAN'T HE JUST MIND HIS OWN DARN PROBLEMS! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM AS MUCH AS I HATE MYSELF!

Bah...It's just so annoying, he's stopped me twice already...he's made me not do anything...he told me /he/ would come back...but I already know it's a lie. I know...Falen doesn't love me anymore....nobody does...

But...Oro...why is it that whenever I end up in a bad situation...Oro's always there? He always stops it...but...how can that be? <small tear mark>

Is it because...I don't know...but...I...I....I didn't know Oro had wings...

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Nineteen

BAh...Mia's forced me into Therapy...she says she's really worried about me, she says I have to move on...say's I haven't moved on...

I've also been retracing my scars...it's still hard for me to move...to walk. My right leg is still broken, Mia know's that I won't let anybody heal it...I dont' want anybody to...My left wrist also hurts as well...It should feel a bit better now, a lot better than that day anyways...

But my scars...I retrace the pink scars underneath my fur...the words I etched onto my skin..."No fate, No hope." I remember how much I loved to feel that pain, how much it made me forget about what happened that day...but do I really not have any hope? Do I really not have any fate?

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Twenty

Wow, I'm at twenty. I've been talking to Oro, and I found out his full name was Oroneo Xentatch. I also found out that he was sent by Reika to gaurd over me, though he didn't know that until he saw me for the first time. He's my gaurdian angel. That's why he's been everywhere.

He says life happens and nothing can change that, he's already gotten over about the person he loved and the person who's abused him for all these years. Taik is dead now, he killed himself a while ago...and I've been begining to actually like my Therapist. She's really nice and reminds me of Mia. She's helped me through a lot and I've began to understand. Life does happen, and I can't change anything that has happened.

Oro's a really good friend of mine now, but little Rena still can't get over missing Falen. Her mouse died a while ago and she's still mourning for it. The mouse that Falen gave to her...and I still have the feather he gave me a while go as well...the rainbow feather he gave me when I promised that I would never jump off the cliff...which I broke anyways.

Of course, Oro was there that day that I thought that diary entry would be my last one...but it wasn't...Oro stopped it...

I...I guess one could say that I do indeed miss Falen...I miss being loved as much as he did. But I guess one could say as well that I've indeed forgotten...I'm beggining to forget him...to erase those painful memories thanks to my Therapist...well, that's all for today...

-Niko