Thus the First Person View of a Neko's Life

[NiaZen]

I like how nobody reads these anymore...*sigh*

[verscilith]

I read them. It's just... I don't comment.... to keep conflict down.
Because we both know how.... easily it arises once those two get involved...

[NiaZen]

Well, yah, I guess so...not really conflict...just sadness tho...although that can be a conflict...

[verscilith]

A note flutters to the floor, brought by the wind.

Dear Niko,

I am truly sorry. For everything. I should not have let this happen. I should have let you go, shown you better people. Instead I wanted you for myself, and we have both paid the price.

You think I did not love you deeply? Then you decieve yourself. I loved then as I had loved in my life twice before. The first was -and still is- with Shadow. The second was my wife. Those are both twisted stories that you do not want to hear.

But... well, what you found out... I suppose I should have told you what I do when I go to feed. But you know now.

You also know what happened after.. while I thought you were dead. And what has happened because of that.

I went to Hel to hide. And I found myself again. I can only hope you can do the same, Niko. The truth? I have spent /years/ in Hel. All this seems quite like a drawn-out process to my internal clock, so you will have to excuse me. Years covered in months of your time here... what a different place.

Well, Thantos and I... we're engaged... and we're having a child. I thought you should know..

I am truly sorry for how I have hurt you. I should not have misled you into thinking that I was something more than I am.. and I can only hope that you can find someone who can fill in the bumps of your rocky life and make things simple for you again.

Wishing you well,
~Falen

[NiaZen]

The truth...Finally Revealed


Niko wasn't home...Niko wasn't crying...Niko wasn't asleep...

but on his bed, his diary:

Entry Sixty-Nine

Varius told me something today...he said that Falen and Thantos were having a child and getting married...I remember when I told Falen that I wanted a child...and he said it was possible...he also told me that he loved me...

-Niko

Niko was dying...Niko was bleeding...Niko was cutting...Niko was fighting...Niko was hurting...Niko was hurting himself...Niko was lying to himself...

"VARIUS JUST DIE! I HATE YOU AND GO DIE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO REMIND ME! I DON'T WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO TELL ME THAT I CAN'T MOVE ON! YOU KNOW THAT! I KNOW YOU LOVE PAIN VARIUS! JUST GO DIE!" Niko shouted, as he continued to beat up Varius, inflicting the same exact damage on himself as he was to Varius. "SHUT UP AND DIE IN HELL VARIUS! JUST GO DIE IN HELL VARIUS!"

Varius couldn't do anything, he was not fast enough for the beserk Neko, and either way, they were both evenly matched. Niko punched Varius's face, Niko would get a bruise as well, Niko would scratch Varius, Niko would bleed too...

"You-can't do...anything...I won't-ever leave you alone!" Varius would shout, between the punches and the kicks.

It continued for a while, and Niko was determined, even if it was a lie, that Falen never loved him. Niko knew it, even if it was a lie...Niko said Falen never loved him...he had read the note as well, but he ripped it up and burned it, after bleeding for a while, and after crying for a while...he went to find Varius...he went to go kill him...to give him an excuse to kill himself...but he remembered the light as he held the wind blade up against Varius's neck, Varius too weak to move, Niko, too.

He began to cut into Varius's neck, and his own, until he saw a light, a light shine in Varius's eyes, a reflection of a lamp, his eyes met the light...what was this light? What was this light?

He followed it, Niko reached towards it, he travelled into this light, he remembered. Everybody can be good again...good things can come to bad people...and it'll change them...

Niko jumped away, leaving Varius to recover on his own, Niko cried and cried, he wanted life to end, but he didn't...what did he want? What did he want?

[NiaZen]

(I would post what happened to Niko...but it's content isnt' appropriate....and it isn't finished....)

Entry Seventy

This feeling...it...it abandoned me so...so long ago...c...can it possibly be that...that it...that it has come back to me? C...can it be? C...can it really be that it...it came back to me? It flew at me...and...have I found the end of the endless tunnel? Have I reached the light?

-Niko

[NiaZen]

Entry Seventy-One

I...I have to...I have to do it now before anything else happens...I...I will...

-Niko

(wow, shortest entry ever)

Rising From the Past, An Old Ending Yet an All New Beginning

He looked out the window, thinking about the recent events that had happened, he stared and saw a happy child running outside, playing with her dog, and he remembered Rena. A while later the parents came running outside and the girl ran to her mother, her mother lifted her up and they all laughed together. Niko closed his eyes tightly, he cried for a while, and a picture came into his mind.

'A small young child was running to it's father...it turned around and it looked just like...just like him...and then...the other parent came walking in, and the two parents hugged and kissed, and on each parent's ring finger...it held an engagement ring.

"Oh Niko...you just can't move on, can you? You live in pain...and I love it..."[/color][/i] the picture disappeared, and the voice echoed in his head, 'I love it...I love it...'

Niko knew he had to do something as he shook his head, he knew what he had to do now...especially now more then ever...when Iniabi Kotori...the one who had told him that "Everybody deserves to be cared for, especially someone like you...I...I think I love you..." Niko had felt the feeling, Niko had seen it with his own eyes, heard it with his own ears, felt it with is own heart, someone in the empty cruel and lonely world had actually told him that, someone cared for him...someone loved him...for real...

Niko got up as he felt a sharp pain in his wrist, he looked down and it was bleeding, he tried to keep the memory of Iniabi out of his head, but Varius already knew...and Niko knew now what he had to do...and he knew that he had to do it now.

~*~*~*~*~

Niko was bleeding, and so was Varius, he could barely stand and Varius was on the ground, trying to get up.

They were on the edge of the cliff that is known to have held multiple of Niko's suicidal moments, but today it would hold a justice moment. "I...it's time...V...Varius..." Niko said, as Varius stood up, smiling at Niko, an insane look on his face.

"Well then...c...come and get me...come end you...you're pa...pathetic li...little excuse of...of a life..." Varius said, panting, then suddenly Niko the woline, in his woline form, lunged at Varius. Varius couldn't move fast enough, so Niko took Varius with him, and they tumbled down the cliff, Varius didn't care, as he fell freely.

Niko changed back to his anthro form, falling freely as well, and tears floated up and away as he fell, the wind hitting him so fiercely, as if it wanted to keep him from falling and falling, but it's work was failed.

'T...This is for you Falen...who's promises have been nothing but broken...and this is for you Iniabi...who's love is endless and who's light shines brighter than anybody else's.' And so the two nekos fell, and it seemed like hours, until the ground had decided to greet them viciously.

The two crashed onto the ground, and tumbled, bones broken, skin punctured, and blood lost. An ocean of pain flooded atop the two nekos, as the two yelled with pain, losing all air and heart refusing to continue.

Niko the neko lay on his back, eyes flooding with tears and body bursting in agony, body covered in blood and bruises, the light began to fade in his eyes, as life was being sucked away by the Angels of Death who have opened their eyes upon the dying neko's...and Niko's whole life flashed through his eyes...

Niko and Dairan, both about 5 years old, were walking on the ice, and suddenly it broke underneath them, and both were submerged into the icy depths of the water, and an invisible force pulled them down and billions of knives stabbed them both, death was floating above them both. Suddenly Dairan could not hold onto the ice that was left, and he let go, his fur was a lot shorter than his brothers, and the cold had quickly taken over him, and Niko heard a howling and was quickly pulled out of the ice. 'WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER?!' his father yelled at him.

'He...he's dead!' Niko replied, and the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko awoke in his house, his forehead was bleeding and all around him was a burning pile, his parents were nowhere to be found, and he saw a figure approach him...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was walking along the road, and saw blood sprawled along the walls, it was the boys who would always tease him, his eyes widened, the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was in Taik's house for the first time, and he was running away from Maaro and Taik, Maaro unleashed the whip and slashed it across Niko's back, leaving a painful souvenir of that dreadful day as Niko ran away...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was looking down at the cliff, it would be swift and fast...alll his doubts would end and never come back. But he then turned away and decided to go somewhere where nobody could find him...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was hiding in the closet...he had met Falen for the first time...he hid from the one he hated...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was against the wall, Taik unbottoning his pants, and suddenly Niko's rage couldn't be contained and he killed Shiek in the process of killing Taik, whom used Shiek as a human sheild, but he was soon to die anyways...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko met his half, Blake Rotsaku...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko admitted his love for Falen...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Falen told Niko they could never be together...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Falen told Niko that it was the first time 'I Love You' actually meant something...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

It was Niko's first time as he moaned...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Falen had dissapeared for months...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko screamed and yelled in pain as Taik continued to abuse him, he cried and cried, he wanted Taik to let him go and to stop playing with him, to just get to it...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Oro told Niko that Falen would come back to him as Niko was at the cliff edge...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko felt his warm blood trickle down his broken left arm, he laughed and cried in pleasure, as he etched the words 'No Hope, No Fate,' ...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Mia had come back, and so did his brother, Dairan, who had never been dead...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Mia had found Niko's razar blade and made Niko tell her why he cut...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Falen came back...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko told Falen that he hated him and he never wanted him to come back...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko hated himself for not accepting what Falen was...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko jumped off the cliff, only to be caught by Oro as they both fell, and Oro let free his wings and saved them both...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko told Oro how much he hated him as Oro let Niko go when they reached the ground of the cliff...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko's first therapy session...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko found out that Oroneo Xentatch (Oro) was his guardian angel.

-~-~-

Niko's last therapy session...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko moved in with Blake...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Blake got shot by Taik...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko began to become corrupt...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Varius had killed his first victim...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko had come out of Varius...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko apoligized to Falen...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Varius would tourment Niko, and he was close to death that day...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was sure that Falen never loved him...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Blake returned to school and Niko went with him again...he met Iniabi Kotori...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko found out that Falen was going to have a child and getting married with Thantos...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko was now positive and refused to believe that Falen ever loved him...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko came close to kill Varius...until he found his light...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Iniabi told Niko that he loved Niko...and that everybody deserved to be cared for, especially Niko...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

Niko began eating again...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

And the last memory that flashed through Niko's eyes?

"Why do you care about me so much Iniabi?" Niko asked.

"Because...I care about you a lot and...I...I think I love you..." Iniabi replied, kissing Niko on the forehead.

Then Niko jumped and kissed Iniabi...and Iniabi kissed him back...the memory faded away...

-~-~-

And one that flashed through his eyes faster than any other ones...when Falen told Niko that they could never be together...the memory faded...and everything went black...

~*~*~*~*~

From far away you can see two bodies laying, in a bloody mess, on the foot of the cliff, and as you would approach, they were identical and the tan body, the tan neko...the fur on his face...was a small trace of one last tear before the light of life had completly been overtaken by the darkness of death...who's last words he muttered..."I...love you...Iniabi..."

And you would go away again, as a tear would roll down your cheek, and you would see, the bodies would light up in a beautiful silver light...and once the light faded...there was nothing...only a small tail feather belonging to a rainbow pheonix...who's colors were fading away....

[rivenmist]

What's a woline?

Is it like a wolfy feline? or something?

[NiaZen]

yes...it is...it's a wolf feline, what Niko is

[NiaZen]

~edited the most recent story btw~
~and edited again btw~

Entry Seventy-Two

Niko's gone...he's gone...he finally killed Varius...but the only reason was because...someone actually loves him...loves for once...

-Blake

Entry Seventy-Three through Entry Ninety-Nine

Entry One-Hundred

Entry onehundred...and...and today...today is the happiest day of my life...I'm back...I am back...The me who has been dead is back...and I have fused in the body with me who hasn't been dead...we are one...I am him and he is me...Iniabi was...was so happy to see me again...well, once he found out it was me...I've changed, my human form looks just like I did when I was me...I mean, when I was human...ish...and my neko form...my anthro form...it looks like a calico cat...only more wild...but...but I'm so happy...and it's entry one-hundred...

Hmm...wonder how I got this name though...I've been playing around with my old names...Niko and Blake...and I did this weird thing...used first letter in Niko's name...then Blake's, Niko's, Blake's...and I got Nbilkaoke...and I found my name right there, Kaoke...Blake Kaoke Rotsaku...

-Kaoke

[NiaZen]

I think I'm going to post the ones that I didn't do...like when he was in the hospitol and when Blake was alone...I'll do that in the next few entries ^^;

[NiaZen]

starting back from the first day, and it was one and a halfish month that Blake/Niko was in the hospitol...I changed it...

Entry Twenty-Two

Niko...Blake...Taik...I should've never left....

I found Blake lying on the floor, struggling for air...

He's at the hospitol...he's dying...he's dying...

-Oro

Entry Twenty-Three

One day, he's not waking up...of course he wouldn't, he lost too much blood...

The docters say an artery was ruputured and his lung was punctured...they say he might not make it...even with the surgury they performed...yes. They performed surgury...and I'm so scared for him...I snuck in while they were doing the surgury, I changed into a small insect and stayed underhim. My touch helps keep him alive...and it did...he's alive now...he still is...but he's dying...

-Oro

Entry Twenty-Four

Two days...and he won't wake up...he won't move, and his breath and heart keep stopping, but if I put my hand on his chest, he'll be reviven...I...I just wish I never let this happen. I'm such a fool...poor Blake...he doesn't deserve this...and Niko doesn't either...I hate it...I hate it so much...

-Oro